It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
