Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
