I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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