just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
