I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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