Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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