meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
