just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
