there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
