I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
