Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
