The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
