If i come over, it means nothing
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
