Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
