now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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