mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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