Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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