apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
