what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
