Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
