You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
