He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
