..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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