shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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