we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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