Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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