Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
