I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
