party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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