Soap is not a condiment
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
