So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
