omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
