I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
