Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
