Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
