Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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