There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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