How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
