One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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