In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
