I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
