Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
