Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
