He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
