he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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