Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
