I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
