the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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