Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
