At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
