billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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